12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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