MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
