So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
