I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize