Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
