a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
