How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want nice things and good sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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