It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
