I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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