God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
