Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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