u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize