Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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