Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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