if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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