Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dear god my vagina.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
