Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
50% drunk capacity currently
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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