At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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