i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
