i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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