i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
