You're completely useless in the revolution.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
