They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
