She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
