Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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