Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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