why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
