somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If that was your dad, he is hot
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
