Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my shit smells like andre
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
