Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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