Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
