I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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