So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize