We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize