I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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