Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
