i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
