Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
