She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
