if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
