I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
