OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Enjoy the penises
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
