oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
