Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
