Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
