You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize