i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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