last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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