she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
