Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
