So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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