I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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