So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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