So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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