I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
