I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This baby is an asshole
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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