That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
