My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize