I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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