i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
