I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
