I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
