3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
