Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize