somebody snuck up and got me drunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
