Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
