Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
